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 Jor'lo Shoukyakuro, Captain of the Tenth Division "The Fiery Blades of the Gotei Thirteen!"

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Jor'lo Shoukyakuro

Jor'lo Shoukyakuro

Posts : 38
Join date : 2013-07-23

Jor'lo Shoukyakuro, Captain of the Tenth Division "The Fiery Blades of the Gotei Thirteen!" Empty
PostSubject: Jor'lo Shoukyakuro, Captain of the Tenth Division "The Fiery Blades of the Gotei Thirteen!"   Jor'lo Shoukyakuro, Captain of the Tenth Division "The Fiery Blades of the Gotei Thirteen!" EmptyTue Jul 23, 2013 12:34 pm

"'To announce your name and rank' is a custom taught to us when we learn how to fight."

Full Name
: Jor'lo Shoukyakuro
Age: 575
Race: Shinigami
Rank: Captain of the Tenth Division
Gender: Male
Sexuality: Heterosexual
Jor'lo Shoukyakuro:

"Don't use such strong words. It makes you seem weak."


  • Loyalty: Jor'lo is loyal to his core to the Gotei Thirteen and the Soul Society. He will lay down his life to protect those within the Seireitei, and will lay down his life to protect the balence the Shinigami fight to keep.

  • Efficient Minded: Jor'lo is a master of strategy. He can see three steps in front of the enemy in a one on one fight, and can direct a whole army into formation.

  • Nature Lover: Trees. Animals. The rain. Anything and everything about nature, Jor'lo is simply in love with. He would rather spend his time sitting quietly under a tree than in any social situation.

  • Light Drinker: Even the military leader-esque Captain of the tenth division lies to unwind every once in a while. And he does it in a very simple way; Sake. It's his favorite, and only effective, way to unwind.

  • Orderly:Jor'lo praises order. He believes without order in the world, there is no way for peace to come. And it is his sworn duty to bring peace.

  • Serious: Jor'lo is overly serious, even in times that do not generally call for seriousness. He knows what a joke is, and can make them and does actually get them, he just doesn't generally appreciate them.

  • Heartless: Jor'lo doesn't really care about anyone. Only thing he cares about is the Soul Society and himself. Though, he is trying to change.

  • Commanding:To have everyone follow your orders, at all times...That is what Jor'lo thinks he deserves. He arks orders without holding back, then gets even more angry when they're not followed.

  • Introverted:Being by himself is what Jor'lo does best. He doesn't really like social situations. He tolerates them when needed, but he'd rather be alone, or with a close friend. That's about it.

  • Vulnerability:He may not seem like it, but deep down Jor'lo is very vulnerable. He's still hurting from what happened to the love of his life, or afterlife, and is actually afraid of getting close to anyone.


    • Order

    • Warmth

    • Being alone

  • Dislikes:

    • Insubordinate Underlings.

    • People who try to be funny, but in reality they are only being jerks

    • Anyone who harms an innocent.

    "The curtain that falls down at the end, shall be pulled down by the blade of my sword."

  • Sealed State
    : In it's Sealed state, Jor'lo's Zanpaktou is, in essense, two Katanas. Yes, Jor'lo's Zanpaktou is one of the rarest forms, that of the twin Zanpaktou. While each Katana is exactly alike in almost every way, they can still be described in depth. To start with the handle of the blades, at the bottom of each grip is a short, thin golden  chain. The grips themselves are a fiery orange-red in color, with a black strap wrapped around each grip. The guard is black, with a emblem of flame etched into it. As you get to the blade you see the beautiful silver of steel, or rather you would normally. No, on these katana's, the blade along the edge is black, as if the blades themselves have been charred by fire. The blade itself is warm to the touch, as if you can feel the fire within it waiting to burst. Each blade is three and a half feet in length, the length of a standard katana.
    Shikai Name and Description: Name: Honoo

    Release Phrase: Hi wo tsukero, Honoo!

    Shikai Appearance: His blades in hand, Jor'lo speaks the words of power that release his shikai. As this happens, the charred edges of the blades spark, as if they are flint that steel has just struck against. The blades spark again as the name of his Zanpaktou is said, this time alighting into flame. As the flame covers the blades, the metal of the blades becomes red hot, so hot you'd think the metal would melt away. It is at that, that you begin to see a change. The metal lengthens by six inches, making each blade four feet in length, but then the last eight inches begin to change as well. They curve backwards, in a very slight arc. Now, as I'm sure you've figured out, the blades have become scimitars, but not in the arabic sense. In fact, they are what is called the old English form of the scimitar. Long, slender, curved at the end, but without the ugly widened end used for hacking and chopping. No, these are made for slicing and stabbing. They are elegant weapons, but just as deadly as any other.

    As for the grips and guards, they do change, but not as drasticly. The guard becomes slightly larger, and instead of having the symbol for flame etched into them, the guard is in the actual shape of a roaring fire. The grip keeps it's orange-red color, but is now warm itself, and when you look at it it seems as if just under the surface flames constantly swirl and dance, as if they have been newly awakened. The chains, they are gone. In their place are two tails of fire, exactly the same length as the chains and exactly the same width. These fire tails are harmless, able to be held on human flesh for any amount of time without doing harm. The only thing that proves they are more than just a ribbon in the shape of fire, is the fact that they constantly dance as if alive, and that they are warm, if not hot, to the touch.

    Shikai Ability: Jor'lo's Shikai ability, if you have not figured it out by how the Shikai forms itself, is complete manipulation of fire. He can strengthen it, shape it, create it, and diminish it until it is no more. This ability allows him to make techniques that utilize this fire in extrordinary ways. He can make roaring bonfires, or light a match by looking at it. He can not only create fire utilizing his reiryoku and control it, but he can also control fire already in existance in the same manner. Hence as his fire catches things in the environment alight, he simply has more to control.
    Bankai: Bankai Name: Honoo no Aruji

    Release Phrase: Bankai, Honoo no Aruji

    Bankai Appearance: Upon releasing his Bankai the flames at the end of the grips of Jor'lo's scimitars come to life, writhing and swiriling while becoming larger. Upon reaching a foot in length each the flames shoot towards each other, swirling into each other and combining. The swords, at this point connected by the flames at the ends of their grips, rise up into the air above Jor'lo's head. Once there, the flames begin to retract, pulling the grips together until they touch. Once they touch, the whole of each scimitar erupts into burning hot white fire. Once this happens, the grips, now connected, grow until they are five and a half feet long, becoming a staff. As this happens, the blades shorten to eight inches long, widen, and curve to become two naginata blades, one on each end of the staff. The fire that has consumed the battle staff, for that is what it has become, then die down until they are no longer white, but are the normal orange-red of fire., but still cover the staff. Except for the blades themselves, which stay the white color fire only has when it is at it's hottest. The staff has now changed color, to all black, showing that the fire that was held underneath the grips of the scimitars has released itself, which is what covers the battle staff now. The blades, when they can be seen behind the white fire, are now completely black themselves, but more of a char black, as if the fire burning on them has burned them to a crisp. As the fire dies down to it's orange-red color, the battle staff lowers itself into Jor'lo's outstretched hand, until it settles there and Jor'lo grips it, as if the fire around it is nothing to him.

    As for Jor'lo himself, he changes as well. As his newly-formed battle staff erupts into flame, so does his body. And as the flames die down, the flames around him diminish to nothing, revealing his new attire. His dark black hair has burned away, leaving behind white flames that constantly dance and move as if blown by wind, even when there is none. His shinigami robes and haori have also burned away, but in their stead is a robe of fire, unable to be seen through. The robe flows constantly, with flames swirling and dancing within it's depths, but also flows with Jor'lo's body whenever he moves. The robe reaches from his shoulders to the ground, and with every step Jor'lo seems to burn the very ground he walks on.

    Bankai Ability: Jor'lo's Bankai ability is an upgraded version of his Shikai ability, the creation and manipulation of fire. Yet in Bankai he also constantly radiates fire, partially from his battle staff and partially from his own body. When he uses any technique in which he creates fire, it seems to come from either his staff or his robe, but the fire in either spot never diminishes, it is always replenishing itself. The robes themselves can do no harm to people, however. The most that will happen, even if they are touched, is the person will feel abnormally warm, as if the sun was beating down on them on a warm summer's day.

    "If history repeats itself, and moves in a circular path, then believing that whatever force is turning it is perfect, is all we can do as we move ahead. Pushed along by forces beyond our control, waiting, for the blade to be swung."

  • History
    : Jor'lo Shoukyakuro was born in the seemingly peaceful Karakura town. Jor'lo was an average child in every way, or so people would think. There was one secret that his parents kept hidden from the world, he said he saw monsters everywhere. Now I know what you're saying, "Monsters? Children see those all the time when they're younger, it's no big deal." But you are wrong, so wrong. For you see, what Jor'lo thought was monsters, and what he told his parents where monsters, were really hollows. Yes, as a human child Jor'lo was able to see hollows. As the years past he continued to tell his parents whenever he would see one of these "monsters",and they became increasingly more worried by the year. At the age of twelve and he was still complaining, his parents put him into therapy. At fifteen? His therapist sugested he be put into a mental hospital. Jor'lo was in that mental hospital for a full year and he saw no monsters. Finally they were going to let him out, it was the happiest day of his life! For the first time in a year he would be able to roam free! And then the unthinkable happened, in his last group therapy session he was looking around, it was twenty minutes from his release and he wanted OUT OF THERE. Then he saw it, the very first monster he ever saw, the one that seemed to eat what looked like the soul of his twin sister when she died at the age of three. It was in the corner of the room, just staring at him, with a blood thirsty look on its face. Jor'lo couldn't believe his eyes, WOULDN'T believe his eyes,. He would not believe that the monsters were back! Then it happened, the monster started slowly for word, and Jor'lo's eyes widened in fear. Is he after me? he ate my sister, now does he want ME?

    But alas, no he did not. which was even worse for Jor'lo. The monster came right to the opposite corner of the room, and when Jor'lo looked there he could not believe it, there was a person there! As Jor'lo watched the monster started to consume the person whole, and the blood curdling screams coming from the person told Jor'lo that it was very painful. Yet
    when he looked around the room he saw that no one could see them! finally he could not stand it, "Are you all going to just sit there on your lazy asses or are you going to HELP this man! He is being eaten alive by a hideous monster!" Jor'lo screamed, pointing straight at the gorry and disgusting seen. "What man? What monster?" Said the doctor watching the group therapy session. "Jor'lo, you have been so good, all year you haven't seen one monster, why now?" The doctor said with a look of concern on his face.

    Jor'lo watched as the monster consumed the man, and as the doctor called in the men in white and their knock-out needle. I have to help this man, but i can't do ANYTHING, not against this monster. Then he heard something he had only heard once before, the day his twin was eaten by this very monster. [i] But you CAN do something Jor'lo, just do what I say. He jumped when he heard the voice, but he didn't argue. If this voice was able to help him save this man, then by all means he was going to let it help him. The voice said, Point your finger straight at the monster and say, "Hell fire!" Slowly, hesitantly, he brought his finger up, but some how he knew he had to say the words without any breaks so he said with an air of confidence, "Hell fire!" Suddenly a flame shot out of his finger and engulfed the monster, who promptly spit the man out. The man seemed unharmed, if a bit shaken. But that did not concern Jor'lo right now, what DID concern him was him hearing his sister's voice yelling out, "Thank you Jor'lo! You have set me freeeeeeeee..........." And then it cut off.

    Jor'lo awoke three days later in his room at the mental hospital. No! No I will not stay here for another year! I am through with this place, I want OUT!! Jor'lo thought, and this time, he got an answer. You do not have to stay here, use your new power to get out. Just say, "I shall escape through the flames of the abyss." And you will turn into fire and be able to escape through even the smallest opening. Jor'lo did not hesitate in the slightest. The voice had helped him before, why would it be any different now? "I shall escape through the flames of the abyss." Jor'lo whispered in as low a voice as he could. Jor'lo then began to slowly become a flame, he then moved over towards the barred window and floated his way down. As he touched down on the ground outside of the walls of the mental hospital he returned to human form, and immediately became exhausted. But he could not stop there. If someone saw him there passed out they would bring him back to the hospital, and that he could not have. Jor'lo walked half a mile before he saw an abandoned farm house, not two miles away from his old home. I shall sleep here tonight and then tomorrow i will be home. He thought to himself.

    The next morning Jor'lo felt refreshed and revitalized. He quickly walked the two miles to his home, and then stopped dead in his tracks. His house, it was not there! It looked burned to the ground! then he heard the voice again, for the last time while he lived. I am sorry Jor'lo, this is all my fault. I did this, but i did not mean to. Jor'lo.......your family is dead. They're all dead. They were burned alive in this very house. Let me explain, see the day they dragged you off to the mental hospital, that same monster that you just deffeated four days ago was here. He has been following you just out of your sight sense your sister was consumed by him. Just after they knocked you out, for a split second the wall in your soul that held me back was down. So I took the chance, I knew that if anything were to ever happen to you and this monster was still following you it would consume you too. And I could not allow that. Unfortunately I could not move your arm so I just shot, your finger looked lined up with him. But I was wrong, terribly terribly wrong. The fire shot out and missed the monster completely, it burned the whole house to the ground. I am so sorry Jor'lo, can you ever forgive me? No, Jor'lo could not. Jor'lo locked the voice away and vowed to never let him out as long as he lived.

    Nine years past and Jor'lo was living by himself up in the mountains, no monsters bothered him up there. It was his birthday, but he did not see it as that way. He saw this day as his family had been murdered by the very monster that was inside of him. There was only one person he ever talked to, the female mountain climber, named Kahia, that sometimes came up this mountain. She liked Jor'lo, he could tell, but he refused to leave this mountain. Kahia was supposed to climb up here today to spend his worthless birthday with him, but something was wrong. She was always there before noon, yet by the fancy watch Kahia had given him on his last birthday it was already one o' clock. Jor'lo was getting scared, no matter how much he refused to come off this mountain with her he still cared for her deeply. He would say he loved her, but he refused himself that emotion because it could unlock the cage the monster inside him resides in. Thirty minutes passed and he was getting frantic, he started looking over the edge of the flat area he lived on looking for her. Finally he couldn't stand it, he had to go down there and find her. There was only one problem, he did not know how to climb and when he came up here he dropped rocks on the path he took to ensure that he could not go back down, what was he to do?

    There was only one solution, but he hated it. He had to call upon the one thing he promised himself he would never call upon again, the voice. Slowly he started to mentally unlock the cage the voice was in, but only enough so that he could hear it. Jor'lo said to it, You! Monster! You who murdered my family, I vowed to never let you out again, but I am in dire need of your powers. I shall make a deal with you, if you promise me that no matter what you will not use your powers through me unless I am controlling them, then I shall release you from your cage. Do we have a deal? Jor'lo asked the voice, sternly but with a hint of fear and anxiaty. You locked me in this cage for nine years..........and i do not blame you for it. I am a monster for murdering your family, even though it was an accident, and i am sorry for it. I accept your deal, on one condition. You must stay off this mountain, and if Kahia is still alive, you must make yourself happy and marry her. Agreed? Jor'lo thought about this for what seemed like years to him, but was really only a few moments. Even with the voices promise to not do anything alone he still did not trust himself, but he really had no choice. He had to get down there and see what had happened to Kahia. Agreed. Jor'lo finally said. As he thought it he flew the cage door wide open, letting the voice enter his consciousness once more. He then spoke the words he only spoke once before, "I shall escape through the flames of the abyss!" As his body turned into flames he quickly floated downwards, the high winds up here were starting to put him out.

    When he reached the ground tears came to his eyes. There, lying on the ground, broken and dying was Kahia. Jor'lo turned human and ran full speed to her. Gentally he lifted her head in his hands and looked her in the eyes. She then said, "Jor-Jor'lo? Y-you came d-down off your m-mou-mountain. W-why? For me?" Jor'lo kissed her softly and said, "Yes my love, I came for you. I knew not where you were so I came down off the mountain, and not a moment too soon. Come, if we hurry i can bring you to a hospital and you will live." As he said this he started to lift her gently from the ground. As he did she screamed in pain, she could not be moved. "Jor'lo, Jor'lo please! The pain, the pain is too great!" She screamed out. Jor'lo quickly put her back on the ground and once again held her head up. "What can I do, Kahia? How can I save you?" Jor'lo asked pleadingly. She looked him straight in the eyes and said with her very last breath, "You...can...not..." As the last word passed by her lips the light left her eyes. But then something astonishing happened, as Jor'lo held her he watched as what looked like a shadow of her stood up from her body. As it stepped away from the body it solidified, and then looked at him with sadness. Jor'lo heard her say, "What has happened? I died, i can see Jor'lo holding up my dead body's head right there, and yet I am alive! Is this the after life? Can Jor'lo see me? Mabye if I..." Her eyes then widened with horror. As Jor'lo looked behind his back he saw a massive beast, larger than the monster he killed was.

    "No, no! You shall not consume her soul foul beast! I shall not allow it!" Jor'lo said as he stood up and stood between the monster and his love's spirit. He pointed his finger straight at the beast and said, "Hell fire!" Blasting a flame straight towards the beast. As the flame crashed into the beast head-on Jor'lo growled and called out to the voice, Voice! Help me! I must save her spirit! And as soon as he did the flame got larger, causing the beast to stagger backwards. But it was not enough. The flame stopped soon after and all that happened was it had burned off an arm, which promptly grew back. The beast then pounced on him, breaking his rib-cage and piercing both his lungs and his heart with broken ribs. The last thing he saw before slipping into unconsciousness was what looked like a man with a sword popping out of no-where and lunging straight for the beast.

    As Jor'lo awoke he looked around, he was in the exact same place accept the beast and Kahia were gone. And something else that he could not believe, He saw his body lying lifeless not ten feet away. He had died! The beast had killed him! Jor'lo looked around and saw the man with his sword out looking around, Jor'lo presumed he was keeping watch. Finally Jor'lo got the courage to sit up and say, "Who are you? What are you doing here? What was that thing? Where is Kahia?" When he finished the man looked around, he looked worn out, from behind Jor'lo would have said he was an old man judging by the white hair but from the front he saw that the man looked young. Finally after what seemed like an hour the man spoke, "I am Hakudoshi Rentai, Captain of the 6th division of the Gotei 13, chief of police for the Soul Society. That monster is what is called a hollow, they feast on souls to become stronger so they can eventually become either arrancar, or they become what is called a Vasto Lorde, the strongest form of a normal hollow. Your friend, I believe you called her Kahia? she is now at the Soul Society, or at the least on her way there. Nothing can harm her now. I will be sending you there soon too but first i wanted to ask you something. Before I got here, while I was a little ways away, I saw you shot flames out of your finger, were you an advanced human?" Jor'lo looked at him quizzically, he had no idea what that was. So that is what he said to him, "I do not have a clue what that is. All I know is I have, or rather had, this voice in my head that talked to me and gave me these weird powers. The man, Hakudoshi, Looked at Jor'lo strangely, then shook his head. He said to Jor'lo, "I am going to send you to the Soul Society now, when you get there you should see more men with swords but they will have all black clothes on, tell them that I said you are to go to my office. If they do not believe you show them this." He then gave Jor'lo a necklace, which Jor'lo put on his neck. Then the man was gone.

    When Jor'lo told the other men what Hakudoshi said to him they did not believe him, until he showed them the necklace. they then brought him to an office and told him to wait there. Jor'lo waited for what seemed like a week but for some reason he did not get tired, hungry, or even thirsty. Finally Hakudoshi came in. He sat behind his desk and looked Jor'lo straight in the eye. He said, "You are special, you were an advanced human. Do you know what that means? it means you were a human with powers, powers that work on beings like us Shinigami and the hollows. And now you are here, in the Soul Society, and you will make a fine Soul Reaper. Would you like to join the academy?" The very blunt and unexpected question hit Jor'lo hard, would that mean he would become like Hakudoshi? Jor'lo did not know. but there was one thig he did know. He said, "Before I answer you, I need to ask you something. You said you sent Kahia here, am I correct?" Hakudoshi smiled and said to him, "Well, yes and no. She is here, just not in the Soul Society. She is in the Rukongai, with all the rest of the non-Soul Reaper Shinigami." Jor'lo looked at Hakudoshi and said, "Then for right now I must humbly refuse. I must go to this Rukongai and find her, for she is my love, even in death." As he said this he stood up and started to walk out. As he did Hakudoshi called back to him, "Know that the offer will always be open to you, no matter how long you wait.

    For a hundred years Jor'lo wandered the Rukongai looking for Kahia, he would not give up. He knew he would find her, if only because he knew he would not stop looking until he did. His search had given him a few leads, but they had all come up with nothing. He didn't know what to do anymore, he would continue to look, but where could he look that he hadn't looked already? He Had went everywhere in the Rukongai, except for the bad part of town, where all the Soul Reaper-haters lived. It was his last chance, so he decided to go. As he walked over there he sensed someone following him, he figured it was nothing, just the jitters for going to the area that hates the very thing has wanted to become, so he didn't worry about it. As he continued to walk he started to see a figure lurking in the shadows behind him. Now he was on his guard, though he didn't show it. Jor'lo continued to walk but kept an eye out behind him. When the figure was no more than five feet away Jor'lo ducked behind an ally wall and waited. As the person came around the corner Jor'lo tackled them, then his eyes widened when he saw who it was! As he ripped off the mask she was wearing he gasped, it was Kahia, she had found HIM. "K-kahia, I've been looking everywhere for you!" Jor'lo stammered as he got off of her. "I've looked for you for the last hundred years! where have you been?" As he said this he started to help her up from the ground. She looked at him and said, "I know, i have been following you for the last decade. I didn't approach you because.......I was afraid." She said as she dropped her head in what looked like shame. "I-I just couldn't face you, i just couldn't." Jor'lo gently brought her head up, and kissed her warmly. "Why? Why couldn't you face me?" He asked. "What did you do that you couldn't face me?" She tried to look away, but could not. So she looked in his eyes and said, "I-it's all my fault you died. I was in a hurry to see you and I forgot my safety gear. That's why i fell, that's why......." But she could not say anymore, for Jor'lo was kissing her too tightly and passionately. Finally they broke contact and Jor'lo said, "I do not care why you fell, i'm just glad you're safe. if i couldn't find you, if something had happened to you, i do not know what i would have done." Jor'lo said looking deeply into her eyes.

    Seems like a simple enough love story, right? Girl meets boy, girl falls in love, boy won't let himself fall in love, boy finally falls in love and the live happily ever after, right? That's the story everyone wants? Well i'm sorry to disappoint you, but nothing ever stays this happy. now to continue with the story. So, Jor'lo had finally done it. He had found his love. As he promised Hakudoshi he returned to the Soul Society at this time and went into the academy. In the academy his most prominent classes were sword-on-sword fighting, and tactics. Melee actually was his best class, the only instructors he couldn't beat in a sword fight by his graduation was the representative of squad 11, and the third seat of the same squadr of course. In tactics he excelled also, reaching co-top of the class by his graduation. One thing his instructors were very excited about though, he reached shikai very early in his instruction. It happened very weirdly, one day while in the middle of a spar between Jor'lo and the 11th division third seat, Jor'lo was getting his butt handed to him like he always did against this opponent, when the voice came back! After all these long years, it was back! At first it was small and insignificant, like a mosquito. But it grew louder, and louder the more Jor'lo ignored it, until finally Jor'lo heard it scream out just as he was knocked to the ground and was about to lose. Jor'lo! Jor'lo use me! At that Jor'lo jumped, he hadn't heard that voice in over a hundred years! Jor'lo, I was once a voice in your head that gave you powers. or so you thought. I was NEVER that, I was always a part of you, a part of your soul. I am impressed by your progress so far, so I will allow you to use my powers. My name, is Honoo. Simply say the phrase "Hi wo tsukeru, Honoo!" to use me. Now fight Jor'lo, fight! Jor'lo hesitated, this voice betrayed him once before when he murdered Jor'lo's family, but Jor'lo did want more power. And from what he heard was a Zanpaktou this voice DID seem to meet the definition. So Jor'lo dicided to trust the voice, for now. "Hi wo tsukeru, Honoo!" Jor'lo yelled, releasing his Shikai. The Third Seat seemed very happy. He said, "Very good Jor'lo! You have achieved shikai! Let us test out your new abilities." At that the third seat lunged at Jor'lo, and Jor'lo was able to dodge it! Before the third seat was so fast he couldn't even see him, now he was not slow exactly, but Jor'lo could react to his attacks! Jor'lo smiled and launched an attack of his own, the third seat DID block it, but he staggered back a little. The Jor'lo heard the voice again, In shikai your strength and speed are doubled, and you have a power which you just might remember. Point your sword at your opponent and say the words Hell fire, do you remember that? Jor'lo did, and he smiled. He pointed his right sword at the third seat, started to walk forward, and released the flame pent up within his Shikai. It caught the third seat off guard, and even scorched his arm as he tried to escape, but then the third seat had seen enough. The Third seat decided to end the battle. As the man escaped he ended up on Jor'lo's right side and stabbed straight out, luckily Jor'lo was prepared and he was able to deflect it so the stab didn't pierce any internal organs, but he was knocked to the ground. The victor put his sword to Jor'lo's neck and said "Dead. but you did really good, iI am proud of you. You are ready for graduation."

    True to his word the third seat set up Jor'lo's graduation soon after. Jor'lo was held in high regard, it was difficult choosing a division for him. Finally the Captain Commander spoke. "Jor'lo, you have done very well, you have earned all of our respect. we have given you your position based on how you did in the academy. You did very well in all strength and tactics assignments, as well as shown amazing speed. So we have decided to put you as the third seat in the 2nd division. We all hope you serve us well." Third seat...Jor'lo had gotten third seat...and he was disappointed. He wanted a higher seat, but he guessed he couldn't complain, after all he only had shikai, and almost all captains needed bankai. So Jor'lo was sort of happy. But there were some people who still hated Jor'lo, and all Soul Reapers. After all the long years Jor'lo was finally able to return to his love, and they rejoiced. But it was at a price, for you see one of the Shinigami, Dokatsu, hated Soul Reapers more than even hollows. And Dokatsu had followed Jor'lo from the gates that separates the Seireitei and the Rukongai district. That night, Dokatsu did the one thing that would upset Jor'lo the most, he kidnapped Kahia. When Jor'lo found the note the next morning he knew exactly who it was from, and he knew Dokatsu's reiatsu too. He immediately set off to find him. As he ran towards where the reiatsu signature was he could feel Kahia's signature there too. Which only made him run all the faster. Finally he got there and burst through the door, and as soon as he did Dokatsu slit Kahia's throat, right in front of Jor'lo's eyes. Jor'lo screamed a primitive scream of defiance as Kahia fell to the ground, dead before Jor'lo's eyes for the second time.Jor'lo jumped into the air and launched himself straight at Dokatsu, all the while Dokatsu is laughing his head off. Jor'lo starts to carve up Dokatsu like a piece of meat, cutting off each limb and then splitting his torse into four parts and then cutting off the head. Jor'lo believes he is still alive because he can still hear the laughter, but it is only an echo in his head.

    That day something died inside of Jor'lo. That day was the day that Jor'lo made a solum vow. That he would work as hard as he could to get stronger so that he can stop things like that from happening. He would become stronger so he could protect people like Kahia, so that he would never have to watch someone he cared for die like that again, so that he would never
    have to lose control like that ever again. So he went to work for the Soul Society, training, becoming stronger, and never forgetting his vow.

    He spent many years working in the second division of the Gotei thirteen. His strategic mind helped in many missions, both assassinations, when needed, and in capturing criminals to be taken to the Nest of Maggots. It was in one such assassination in which he acheived what he had hoped so long to acheive, Bankai. He was still the third seat of the division, and was heading a mission to assassinate the leader of a gang in the Rukongai that was attempting to get into the Seireitei. They made it to him without any issues, which Jor'lo found very strange. When they got to him, however, they found out why. It was a trap. Standing in front of his squad of ten Shinigami, was the whole gang of one hundred people, with the leader behind all of them. "Shit." Was all Jor'lo could say before the action started. The next thirty minutes were a blur of swords clashing and screams. When the dust cleared, all that was left standing was Jor'lo and the gang leader. His men had fought bravely, but they had all died. He shook his head. "They were brave men, but their lives meant nothing. All that matters is the mission. All that matters, is your death." He said as he pointed at the gang leader. The leader laughed. "Bring it on, Shinigami!" Was all he said, then attacked. Jor'lo managed to block his first strike, then countered. During the fray before Jor had been forced to activate his Shikai, so he was already at full strength, yet this gang leader was his equal, if not his better, in every way. Now Jor'lo understood why his Captain had sent such a large squad on this mission. The fight lasted for what seemed like hours, but finally the gang leader scored a nasty cut on Jor'lo's hamstring. Jor'lo was done for. The gang leader began to laugh. And that's all Jor'lo knew. The next thing Jor'lo saw, was what looked like the inside of a Volcano, and a Fire Elemental, Honoo, Jor'lo's Zanpaktou spirit, standing in front of him. "What the..." Was all Jor got to say before Honoo began to speak. "We haven't much time. You are in dire need, and I for one do not wish to die. I will give you the use of my full powers, I will give you my true name. My name, is Honoo no Aruji. Use it, and activate my Bankai." At that, the volcano dissapeared, and in it's place stood the gang leader again, about to strike the killing blow. "Bankai, Honoo no Aruji!" Jor'lo screamed out, and the explosion of reiatsu that came from Jor'lo blew back the gang leader with such force that he slammed into the wall behind him. Jor'lo's scimitars, which he knew so well, came together and formed his new weapon: A battle staff. Jor'lo could not understand why, but he knew as he looked at it that the fire that radiated from it would not harm him. He then looked down, and his eye became wide with amazement as he saw that his Shinigami robes had been replaced with a robe of pure fire! Jor'lo smiled. "Your time is at an end." Jor'lo simply said, and walked calmly towards the leader of this hated gang. The gang leader coward in fear. "Mercy..." Jor'lo's face was blank. "There is no mercy for enemies of the Soul Society." And at those words, Jor'lo impaled the gang leader with his new battle staff, thrusting one end into him until he burst through his head, the leader's brain stuck on the end of one of the blades. As the body disappeared, Jor'lo sealed his Bankai and calmly walked home. On his return to his Captain, he showed him his newly acheived Bankai. The captain recomended himm for a Captain position immeadiately. The Captain Commander granted him Captaincy of the tenth division, where his strategic mind would come in greater use.


Last edited by Jor'lo Shoukyakuro on Wed Jul 24, 2013 5:51 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Ichigenka Shuken

Ichigenka Shuken

Posts : 78
Join date : 2013-07-22

Jor'lo Shoukyakuro, Captain of the Tenth Division "The Fiery Blades of the Gotei Thirteen!" Empty
PostSubject: Re: Jor'lo Shoukyakuro, Captain of the Tenth Division "The Fiery Blades of the Gotei Thirteen!"   Jor'lo Shoukyakuro, Captain of the Tenth Division "The Fiery Blades of the Gotei Thirteen!" EmptyWed Jul 24, 2013 3:25 pm

I'm anal. That's a fact. Here I am to get this show on the road where you are concerned. Here are my notes.

In your appearance, you say, "His torso could be called toned. Not muscular per-say, but toned." Per-say is incorrect. The saying is Per-se. Overall, the quality within the appearance section is a little choppy and it's not as fluid as I'd have liked, though it's nothing making me want to hit the abort button, so unless you want to make it a little more fluid, you're good here after you make the per-se edit.

Deep down, everyone is vulnerable. I'm not sure why you have that as a negative trait unless he often exposes himself, allowing him to be vulnerable. This trait just seems to tell me what's fairly general about humans. I don't see a point in it, but I won't make you change it unless you want to. I'm only pointing it out because it's kinda misplaced for the reason I named.

In your Sealed State Description, you say, " In it's Sealed state, Jor'lo's Zanpaktou is, in essense, two Katana's." Drop that apostrophe. You have two swords. Two katanas. It's a plural object, no need for an apostrophe. The description here is also not as fluid as I know you're capable of. The Zanpakuto Form is not elusive, it is rare. Elusive isn't really the right word and sticks out like a sore thumb. The blade itself is warm to the touch, as if you can feel the fire within it waiting to burst out." Including, "out," at the end of that sentence makes it needlessly redundant. If it's going to burst, it's not going to burst in. No need to let us know where it's going to burst.

As for your Bankai Ability, I'd prefer you remove the part where you mention that your fire seems to come from you and your clothes. Immunities to abilities do not exist here, even if the ability is your own. If you're touched by your own fire -- on purpose or accident -- you'll be burned. And I know this is the concept stage and not the mechanizing stage, but you mention something that pertains to a mechanic which is not allowed, even if indirectly so. Remove that portion or do something else with it. Perhaps your Reiatsu permeated from your body and a few inches from your skin, the flames are dancing about? Just not on you or your clothes, else you'll go sparky boom boom too.

In your history, you mention canon characters such as Aizen. Go back, review all of your history and remove all references to existing canon characters, because this is a non-canon site. They never existed here. Also, within your history, you have this unappealing area where you make an overuse of ellipsis. All of those dots... please, shorten them to standard ellipsis.

Your obtaining of Bankai is a little awkward, to be honest. It just happened one day. He was fighting a Menos and his Spirit decided he didn't want him to die. A method such as that I feel works best when RolePlayed out instead of added in the history. I'm not really going to say no since this application meets my requirements for Captain Class, but I think you should probably reevaluate that section and decide if that's really how you want your character to obtain his Bankai.

Additionally, there seem to be places in your history where you wanted to break for a new paragraph, but broke only one line instead of two so you see the beginning of a different paragraph that is seemingly attached to another. Remedy that as well, if you could.
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Jor'lo Shoukyakuro

Jor'lo Shoukyakuro

Posts : 38
Join date : 2013-07-23

Jor'lo Shoukyakuro, Captain of the Tenth Division "The Fiery Blades of the Gotei Thirteen!" Empty
PostSubject: Re: Jor'lo Shoukyakuro, Captain of the Tenth Division "The Fiery Blades of the Gotei Thirteen!"   Jor'lo Shoukyakuro, Captain of the Tenth Division "The Fiery Blades of the Gotei Thirteen!" EmptyWed Jul 24, 2013 5:57 pm

Fixed all your issues, I think. If there's any more, tell me.

Fire can light up your life, show you the way, and keep you warm...

Jor'lo Shoukyakuro, Captain of the Tenth Division "The Fiery Blades of the Gotei Thirteen!" How-draw-flames

...Or burn you, maim you, and eradicate your very existence. It all depends on how you treat it.
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Ichigenka Shuken

Ichigenka Shuken

Posts : 78
Join date : 2013-07-22

Jor'lo Shoukyakuro, Captain of the Tenth Division "The Fiery Blades of the Gotei Thirteen!" Empty
PostSubject: Re: Jor'lo Shoukyakuro, Captain of the Tenth Division "The Fiery Blades of the Gotei Thirteen!"   Jor'lo Shoukyakuro, Captain of the Tenth Division "The Fiery Blades of the Gotei Thirteen!" EmptyWed Jul 24, 2013 6:09 pm

All seems in order. Approved for Captain Class with 240 Stat Points and 24 Skill Points.
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PostSubject: Re: Jor'lo Shoukyakuro, Captain of the Tenth Division "The Fiery Blades of the Gotei Thirteen!"   Jor'lo Shoukyakuro, Captain of the Tenth Division "The Fiery Blades of the Gotei Thirteen!" Empty

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