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 Human, Tomix Drakeson

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Tomix



Posts : 23
Join date : 2013-07-23

PostSubject: Human, Tomix Drakeson   Tue Jul 23, 2013 6:51 am

Four icons of your character or one image. [Width limit to 500px]
Tomix Drakeson
"To be lonely is to be unhappy, To be lonely is to be safe."


THE ENTRANCE
"'To announce your name and rank' is a custom taught to us when we learn how to fight."

Full Name
: Tomix Drax Drakeson
Age: 16
Race: Human
Rank: Alchemist
Gender: Male
Sexuality: Heterosexual, thought never even considered a relationship.
Appearance: Lanky, but very, very skinny. Due to the accidents when he was seven, he has burns covering most of his left side. For this, Tomix usually wears a trench coat, with a hood and collar that can cover his whole face besides his green eyes. He has midnight black hair, with a fringe that covers his left eye. He prefers to dress in darkest colours possible, as at night he can blend into the darkness and no one will see the scars on his face.
He is deceptively strong, with some muscle hiding betneath the layers of clothing.


THE PERSONA
"Don't use such strong words. It makes you seem weak."

Personality
: Due to the burns along his left side, Tomix has become a recluse, refusing to let anyone get close to him. He is distant, quiet, and all in a bring down. Has a fondness for birds, and artistic qualities. Has a horrendus fear of fire, along with death of any kind. Ever since he was seven, he has never had a proper healthy relationship, resulting in a terrible social anxiety.
Likes


  • Writing, as developed during his time in hospital. It is somthing that (at least he hopes) believes that he has become increasingly good at, working hard to become a writer.
  • Birds, form a wish to fly. He always wanted to have a pet bird, a companion in his times of solitude. In reality, he loves most animals, as they don't judge him for how he looks.
  • Solitude. He hates crowds. Years of being insulted and stared at because of his scars have created an great social anxiety that allows no one to get close to him.


Dislikes:


  • Fire. For obvious reasons. He refuses to even sit near a fireplace, even at the cost of freezing all night then be close to it, for fear that he will burst into flames all over again.
  • Death. Again, obvious reasons. In his life, he has stolen to survive, but he will never, ever kill. No one deserves to live the life that he had to live.
  • Human contact. His social anxiety simply prohibts him to be close to any person, for fear that they will reject him as simply a freak of nature.



THE INVENTORY
"The curtain that falls down at the end, shall be pulled down by the blade of my sword."

Fullbring: Steel Gauntlets. When used, the Gauntlets can stretch to coat varying amounts of Tomix's bodies with steel armour, which translate to his physical power. However, the more of his body the Gauntlets cover, the less defense it shall provide. Physical power shall always remain constant, due to the Gauntlets being centered on his hands. The Gauntlets can only affect him, but cannot be stretched into spikes, or points, only be able to create a sort of 'skintight' armour.


THE STORY
"If history repeats itself, and moves in a circular path, then believing that whatever force is turning it is perfect, is all we can do as we move ahead. Pushed along by forces beyond our control, waiting, for the blade to be swung."

History
: Tomix was born to his parents, and he had a brother, named Avon. Until he was seven, Tomix was a perfectly normal boy-besides his imaginings of ghosts Only his mother believed him. She aways told him "I was attacked by a ghost once", and then she would give him a knowing smile, and move on. He was sociable, clever, and simply drew people to him.

Everything changed when he turned seven.

Even Tomix is not sure what exactly happened on that night. During the night, Tomix's family was attacked by someone, or somthing. During the attack, the house was lit aflame, creating an inferno comparable to hell itself. His father died fighting the flames, as did his mother. Tomix, panicking, ran through the flames to the front yard, setting his body aflame in the run. He was rescued by fire fighters.

His brother was never found.

He spent the next two years in hospital. Two long, horrid years, of pain, searing pain, skin grafts, and staring at ceilings. Two years of coming to terms with the burns that now covered the majority of his left side. Two years of nothing but books, and writing. Two years.

After he was nine, he was sent to an orphanage. He had no relatives, so he had no choice. Tomix was sure, nothing could be worse then the time that he had just spent. For the next seven years, Tomix lost all sense of his former self. The other children taunted him, provoked him, were shocked by his scars. The staff wern't much better; they pretended to care, but beneath their faces you could see the disgust. He could always see.

He found all of his solice in only books, and his own writings. He tried to show one of the other children when he was eleven; it was a disaster. They showed everyone, turning it into a demented show of humiliation for Tomix. This was the final straw. Five more years of becoming more secluded, and distant.

When he was 16, Tomix left the orphanage. He stole for a living, he was ashamed of it, but he did it. One day, he stole a pair of steel gauntlets that took his fancy That was when the ghosts (he later learned of the Hollows from talk among the town started attacking him. And then he learned of his innate power, the Fullbring, which allowed him to manipulate the Steel Gauntlets. He could be a god.

If he wasn't such a coward. If he could be...close, to anyone.    
Et Cetera: As time has gone in his teenage years, Tomix has been slowey having a developing social anxiety, and also psychological problems.



Last edited by Tomix on Tue Jul 23, 2013 7:24 am; edited 1 time in total
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Jor'lo Shoukyakuro

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Posts : 38
Join date : 2013-07-23

PostSubject: Re: Human, Tomix Drakeson   Tue Jul 23, 2013 7:11 am

Alright, sorry Tomix, but this is where the fun part for me comes in. xD


  • First thing's first: Your appearance. Since you have no face claim, I'd expect this to be longer, but it doesn't truly NEED to be for approval. It would just effect the amount of points you get, if that matters to you. Or, try and find a face claim, that works too.

  • Second, your positive and negative traits. First off, it's fine if you use a paragraph, but please make at least a true PARAGRAPH. It clearly states in the rules that a paragraph is at least five sentences long. You have four, and, quite frankly, the grammar in it is atrocious. The length of it will effect approval, the grammar would only effect amount of points. Change what you will.

  • Next, your Gauntlets. Exactly what all can you do with them? Simply cover your body? Can you cover other things? Can you make, like, spikes or the like? I'm not asking for techniques, just a general description that tells me more about what your power can do, because at this point it seems as if all it does is "coat varying amounts of Tomix's bodies with steel armour" Which is, for some reason, confusing me.

  • Continuing on, your history doesn't make sense. You say you're 16, then you say you started in the orphanage at 9, seven years past, making you 16, then five more years past, which would make you, in reality, 21. Either fix your age, or the discrepancies in your history.

  • Lastly, if you do not want an "Et Cetera" or faceclaim that is fine, but please remove those sections from your application.


Thank you for fixing and dealing with my OCD-like look-over of your app,

~Your comb-bearing Approval Mod, Jor'lo.
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Tomix



Posts : 23
Join date : 2013-07-23

PostSubject: Re: Human, Tomix Drakeson   Tue Jul 23, 2013 7:29 am

All edited.
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Jor'lo Shoukyakuro

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Posts : 38
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PostSubject: Re: Human, Tomix Drakeson   Tue Jul 23, 2013 7:39 am

Alright, a lot better. I do declare this app to be...

           

For tier BA With 65 points to spend on Stats and 8 points to spend on Skills.
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